I wish they would win.

Yesterday, just before going to sleep, I was overwhelmed with a surge of emotion that I needed to release. While thinking of possible methods I could do this, I remembered my diary. I have not touched my diary in months, and i almost forgot where I had hidden it. Not completely, of course. I found it.

While flipping through recent entries, I found out how disturbed i have been for the past few months- it scared me. Right now I am far from disturbed, of course. But I never consciously realised the kind of thoughts I was having. I knew I was having them. What I did not know was the magnitude to which these thoughts stretched. Psychotic, almost.

I don't know how or why or when I pulled myself out of it. I just know I did, and I glad for that.

Anyhow, as I was flipping through the pages of my diary, I found this poem that I wrote a while ago, that I would like to post here.

It has no title. I didn't see the point of titling my poem. So it just commences from this point.

Like knotted steel,
yet like silk.
Soft, Strong, Bold.

Feel it slide across my own.
With the gentleness
that reflects in your eyes.
And your smile.

A manifestation of all your emotions
With every touch- it moves something
within me.
Something turns cold.
Subtle words, your fingers speak.
Coded messages,
sent through blood.
Mine.

You slowly lock your fingers.
Slender vines that creep
through the crevices between mine.
With your arms brushing across
the smallest hairs on my arms,
before taking its place
comfortable above my own.
Like it belongs.
It does.

Your knotted steel, forms a lock.
Around me,
Soft, Strong, Bold.

***

As I read it, it evoked so much more emotion than me, that I ended up writing more than what I had planned to.
Its been so long since I let words flow through a pen. Its an amazing feeling.

Just after i wrote, i went on PostSecrets. i found this post.






I can't say it summed up how i felt at that point in time.
I can't say i empathise with it.

But as i was looking through all the posts, this one struck me. And it meant so much to me. I suppose the most appropriate word I can think of for how i felt was sympathy. But the english language has its faults- there was something more than that.

And after all that, right before going to bed, this song came into my head.
And it made me cry. Because i finally understood what RW meant when he wrote that line.

its saturday, i'll go out and find another you.