fools.

its really almost palpable.


i can feel the tension, both inside myself and in the air outside.
its there. seeping through the wood, and the cloth, and the skin, like some stale smell you can't get rid of.

and i feel it inside of me. in my neck, in my shoulders, in my elbows, in my fingers in my thighs, in my knees, in my feet.

like everything's knotting up, all my blood is coagulating slowly, and all the fluid is draining out.

i swear i'm not making it up, tension is tangible.

and in my head? oh dont even get me started on the tension up there.

fools, who worry without reason.

anyhow, i was going to write an entry about how i miss my brother. and my akka. and aruna. and how i really need an older sibling around- to keep me from the insanity.
and i promise i will, soon.
but the tension is getting to me.

and the pains are coming back. the pains. sharp, and shooting, in various parts of my body.
and the palpitations too.

so i think this isnt the time to get me crying. i will save that for another day, when tears are of shortage. like chainsaws.