Its been a completely unproductive and grudgingly slow week, but its culminated in a good, motivational weekend.
I sat down and read through my history notes today, and forced myself to make my way through it and organise the thoughts in my head. By the end of it, I understood most of what Bradley Lightbody was trying to say (yes i am still at the lightbody article. so sue me.) and I was able to formulate answers to the questions, even.
That is a major milestone for me this year. Because, for the first time, I have a sense of direction.
History and me have a love-hate relationship. I love reading it, and learning new things, and thinking, and forming opinions, and having intellectual discussions with people about the things we learn, and formulating answers to questions. At the same time, I hate it when I don't understand something, or say something wrong and embarrass myself. But I know that there's no way i can get to the former without going through the latter first. And this has been my primary source of internal conflict since the year started.
You see, Humanz are very smart. I love smart. But I also hate being at the bottom of the hierarchy, if there even is a hierarchy. I always think in terms of hierarchies. I should stop.
No, I am not self-deprecating. These are only observations. I am not slipping down the slope of self-appreciation into the depths of depression, or anything of similar nature. I am quite fine.
What I'm trying to say is, I finally understand how much work I need to put in to get anywhere. At the end of last year, I had these grand plans of working hard and reading and asking questions, and I had these images of what lectures would be like and how I would contribute to them and enjoy every bit of it and come out feeling highly intelligent and enriched. What i realised today, was that none of that is just going to happen. Its a slow, hard, laborious process, as A levels are generally considered to be. I have stopped expecting good things to just sort of happen to me, as of today.
I can't believe how tremendously stupid all this sounds when you put it down in words. Usually it works the other way.
For starters- why do you think the Russians always called themselves democratic, even though they weren't, really? The Soviet Union never really had an election, and Stalin was, after all, a dictator. The people of the Germany never really had a say in who was to rule them in the immediate aftermath of the war, so why did the Soviet zone call itself the East German Democratic Republic? Did they define a democracy in their own terms? Can you even do that?
Was it just a matter of naming it? What do you think went through their minds when they were thinking of what to call their zone?
Fascinating.
The best thing about things like this, is that you can ask all the questions you want without giving a concrete answer, and it will only show that you've been thinking more. Not less.
There you go.
Sneha the Improved.
Hah!
I sat down and read through my history notes today, and forced myself to make my way through it and organise the thoughts in my head. By the end of it, I understood most of what Bradley Lightbody was trying to say (yes i am still at the lightbody article. so sue me.) and I was able to formulate answers to the questions, even.
That is a major milestone for me this year. Because, for the first time, I have a sense of direction.
History and me have a love-hate relationship. I love reading it, and learning new things, and thinking, and forming opinions, and having intellectual discussions with people about the things we learn, and formulating answers to questions. At the same time, I hate it when I don't understand something, or say something wrong and embarrass myself. But I know that there's no way i can get to the former without going through the latter first. And this has been my primary source of internal conflict since the year started.
You see, Humanz are very smart. I love smart. But I also hate being at the bottom of the hierarchy, if there even is a hierarchy. I always think in terms of hierarchies. I should stop.
No, I am not self-deprecating. These are only observations. I am not slipping down the slope of self-appreciation into the depths of depression, or anything of similar nature. I am quite fine.
What I'm trying to say is, I finally understand how much work I need to put in to get anywhere. At the end of last year, I had these grand plans of working hard and reading and asking questions, and I had these images of what lectures would be like and how I would contribute to them and enjoy every bit of it and come out feeling highly intelligent and enriched. What i realised today, was that none of that is just going to happen. Its a slow, hard, laborious process, as A levels are generally considered to be. I have stopped expecting good things to just sort of happen to me, as of today.
I can't believe how tremendously stupid all this sounds when you put it down in words. Usually it works the other way.
For starters- why do you think the Russians always called themselves democratic, even though they weren't, really? The Soviet Union never really had an election, and Stalin was, after all, a dictator. The people of the Germany never really had a say in who was to rule them in the immediate aftermath of the war, so why did the Soviet zone call itself the East German Democratic Republic? Did they define a democracy in their own terms? Can you even do that?
Was it just a matter of naming it? What do you think went through their minds when they were thinking of what to call their zone?
Fascinating.
The best thing about things like this, is that you can ask all the questions you want without giving a concrete answer, and it will only show that you've been thinking more. Not less.
There you go.
Sneha the Improved.
Hah!
posted by sedder at 9:52 am
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