fools.

its really almost palpable.


i can feel the tension, both inside myself and in the air outside.
its there. seeping through the wood, and the cloth, and the skin, like some stale smell you can't get rid of.

and i feel it inside of me. in my neck, in my shoulders, in my elbows, in my fingers in my thighs, in my knees, in my feet.

like everything's knotting up, all my blood is coagulating slowly, and all the fluid is draining out.

i swear i'm not making it up, tension is tangible.

and in my head? oh dont even get me started on the tension up there.

fools, who worry without reason.

anyhow, i was going to write an entry about how i miss my brother. and my akka. and aruna. and how i really need an older sibling around- to keep me from the insanity.
and i promise i will, soon.
but the tension is getting to me.

and the pains are coming back. the pains. sharp, and shooting, in various parts of my body.
and the palpitations too.

so i think this isnt the time to get me crying. i will save that for another day, when tears are of shortage. like chainsaws.

hope you have the time of your lives.

today was awesome.
and horrible, all at once.

you know how that is.

a complex amalgamation of emotions, to quote myself.
yes, i quote myself.

i am odd. as agreed upon by many.

but today was really emotional.
made me think of a lot of things. made me cry.
when everything you have wanted so badly parades in front of you wearing a colourful tea cosy, and proclaims loudly how you're never going to get it, its hard not to notice.

and once you notice it, its hard not to think about it.

there's so many times i've let you down
so many times i've played around
i tell you now, they don't mean a thing
every place I go, i'll think of you
every song i sing, i'll sing for you
when i come back i'll bring your wedding ring.

anyhow. i hope you have the time of your lives.

here's to all rgs sec 4s 2005. as emo-basket-case as this may sound, we've been through a lot together. and its going to end very soon. and here's to everything we've worked so hard for. and here's to everything rgs has ever given us. and here's to rj being godawful so we'll cherish this even more.

cheers!

sneha!

long term goals:

1. get married.
2. have 4 degrees. (heheheh)
3. own my own t-shirt label.
4. adopt 7 kids.
5. make a movie.
6. write a book.
7. do my bit for the world. in numerous ways.
8. get vania to fall in love with me. (hah!)
9. meet someone gay. (not to be read together with point number 8. to stress, again, i do not have gender issues. i do not commit gender treachery. i am quite sure i am not curly. or moderately wavy, even.)
10. meet someone jamaican.
11. meet someone gay and jamaican.

short term goals:
1. stop being a bitch.
2. stop bitching.
3. stop being a bitch.
4. a gpa of 3.6? (please, big guy?)

right?

hey.

so i get back from school, right.
and i dont know what to do, right.

because bio is in two days, right.
and studying seems like a waste, right.

because i dont understand anyway, right.
and today's such a bad day, right.

so i laze around the house, right.
the only thing that rhymes here is mouse, right.

and i think i'll start quite soon alright.
maybe once i see the moon, right.

or maybe sometime tomorrow, right.
because bio brings me sorrow, right.

__

simply breathtaking.
my literary capacity astounds me.

lao ya pok shit.

today:


1.while on the bus, crunch, in the height of eloquence and coherence, said:

"my wallet needs to be bought a new one"

which naturally had me rolling around in fits of laughter.
and crunch, after laughing at her own joke, proceeded to hurl a string of expletives at me, out literature teacher, and just about everything else that she could find. I'm sure they were very rude words crunch, if they were ever found to have meaning.

2. mr yang greeted me in the morning before i greeted him.

which is a first, in the 8 months that he has taken the same bus as me in the mornings. one time last week i decided to actually speak to him. a very exciting conversation about transformers and the like ensued, which had me tingling in my shoes, almost. see, im not very good at this sarcasm thing, but you'll catch on. anyway, atleast now he acknowledges my existence.

3. i can't figure out if i slept on the lady next to me on the bus this morning or not.

everytime i woke up, on a bump, i was siting upright, and not leaning towards any side. but when i had to get up and get off, everyone was looking at me rather oddly.
i recognized those looks.

from the time of the anarchy.

thats about all for today.
good rest-of-the-day everyone!

The Handmaid's Tale
By Margaret Atwood
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard


Offred:

I've got a name, but I won't ever tell it to you.

Commander:

I get to do Offred once a month, but I'd rather play Scrabble with her instead.

Nick:

I don't even get to play Scrabble with her. That sucks.

Ofglen:

(dies)

Offred:

Ofglen is dead.


-The End-

incoherence

milk, carrots and crunch.

starter

"to see the world in a grain of sand
and heaven in a wild flower
hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour"

-William Blake